If You Buy All My Stuff on Ebay, I Can Go Back to Making Art

As much as I would love to be able to produce beautiful artwork that you, my readers, will instantly buy, providing you with thoughtful Holiday gifts and me with holiday gift-buying money, that just doesn't appear to be happening quite as rapidly as I would like. I know, picky, picky.

So I'm going through this massive collection of stuff that everyone in this house (especially me) has collected and now does not need. I have clothes that used to belong to my daughter before she decided she was too good for them, clothes I bought for myself, only to realize that either A) cute as they are, I don't look good in them, or B) have been sitting in my closet since the '80s and they are now in style again. There's also some diecast metal car models that no one in the house ever claimed to have wanted to collect. Jaguars? Nascar pickup truck? For real?

There are a million websites and late-night infomercials out there that will tell you how easy it is to list your stuff on Ebay. It is easy--to create a crap listing. To create a listing that people will look at and bid on, you need the same criterion as other online marketplaces. High quality pictures (yes, the skirt I'm wearing in the picture is for sale, and I used that picture because it sucks trying to take a picture of a plain black skirt, and Cassie wanted to be a part of it, so I thought that would be as likely to get someone to click on the listing as anything else), detailed descriptions, accurate measurements, and whatever in each of our brains passes for advertising and marketing. For the possible $50 or so I could get paid, I have spent ridiculous hours with the tripod taking pictures, editing pictures, measuring things, writing decent descriptions, checking on my listings, TWEETING (I couldn't believe it, but that actually got people to click on the listings), posting annoying pleas on Facebook... ugh! I must be doing it wrong. Maybe I need to market my goods the way these ladies have (NSFW). I appear to be stuck in that limbo between pathetic-but-getting-paid and dignified-with-no-Christmas-money.

So go check out my Ebay listings so I can get back to making some art. I've still got a book cover (or three, I think) to create, proofreading I could be doing, and daughter's tattoo to design (okay, that one I don't get paid for, but I told her I'd design it in time for her birthday in a couple weeks). Please someone come yell at me if one of my links doesn't work (but don't yell at me about the Regretsy listing, 'cos that's just funny shit, I don't care who you are).